


the first time iwaizumi hajime fell in love with oikawa tooru.

by tetsurone



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, First Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru Angst, M/M, References to Depression, iwaoi - Freeform, oikawa is sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 18:40:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28835748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tetsurone/pseuds/tetsurone
Summary: The first time Iwaizumi Hajime loved Oikawa Tooru was when he was five, when the image of the boy in his dreams brought him to tears.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	the first time iwaizumi hajime fell in love with oikawa tooru.

**Author's Note:**

> hello im very drunk on writing and its 11 pm and i gotta sleep and i was half asleep writing this but i felt like i had to write iwaoi because i miss them so much and this is so sad and i want them to be happy and this actually is what i had in mind whenever my depression came back and i felt lonely and no one comforted me. hajime is so good towards tooru i wanna cry .
> 
> ❕❕❕ CW // Depression, suicidal thoughts ❗❗❗
> 
> listen to the night we met as u read this !!

Oikawa Tooru is perfect. For Hajime, at least. His eyes are the exact shade of brown that Hajime had seen in his dreams years ago. Tooru's scent is the same scent that he's longed for years, too, the scent of milk and honey collapsing into the perfect musk that is Oikawa Tooru. When Hajime first saw him, he thought that Tooru's lips looked and felt so familiar, that his skin tingled almost immediately.

The first time he saw Tooru's lips curled into a smile, he could imagine the feeling of his plump lips touching his own, tasting the aloe vera lip balm Hajime noticed the other boy carried. It felt so familiar that his heart ached, but the boy didn't even know about his own existence, so Hajime didn't go out of his way to make friends—or maybe more—with Oikawa Tooru that day.

When Hajime found out he'll be sharing his history class with Tooru, his heart stammered in his chest, thumping triumphantly and he tried so hard to contain his nervousness, as well as his excitement. But it was a total failure, though, because his dream boy just happened to sit behind him and had asked to borrow his pen. And Hajime, upon hearing that, widened his eyes and threw the pen at Tooru, unable to hold eye contact for longer than two seconds. If Hajime saw Tooru smirked, he convinced himself that he was only dreaming.

Days passed, and Tooru still had Hajime's pen. Not that he minded it, of course, Tooru could ask for anything in the world and he would provide it for him, no matter how impossible. The day Tooru handed him his own pen, Hajime noticed that the ink gel was empty, and Tooru looked amused when he only sighed as a response.

“You're not mad that I used up all your ink?”

They were sitting on their desks, with Tooru leaning in towards Hajime to talk to him, “It looks expensive. The pen.”

Hajime shook his head. “No, it's fine. Do you have a pen with you right now? For class?” Hajime didn't even try to look back and hold eye contact because he knew his face would burn, so he pretended to be busy with his papers. But Tooru, the careless, and joyful Tooru, didn't mind. Instead, he poked into Hajime's right cheek, “Can I have one more pen?”

Though he didn't say any words indicating his agreement, Hajime just nodded and threw the pen back. What he didn't expect was to receive a kiss on the cheek, “Thank you, Iwa-chan.”

The first time Hajime tried to make himself brave enough and asked Tooru out was in the middle of lunch. They were eating together (Hajime had no idea why and how they had gotten close enough to do that), but Tooru kept on rambling. His mouth was full of food, his cheeks expanded, but he kept talking about how his lecturer just offended him by calling him lazy, about how that morning he almost got bitten by a stray dog because he threw a soda can to it, or about how he woke up to find a spider as big as his thumb crawling on top of his blanket.

Tooru talked about everything, and his lips glistened with oil, he was sweaty all over, his right cheek, as well as his uniform, dirty from falling. But Tooru, albeit his crazy and supposedly unattractive condition, looked so beautiful in Hajime's eyes, and when Tooru just finished complaining about how the cafetaria didn't provide gummy bears, Hajime blurted out something that until today, he doesn't regret.

“Can I be your boyfriend?”

**_I can't do this,_ he cried into Hajime's shoulder, _Hajime. I can't._ **

Of course Tooru had said yes. The brown eyed boy thought his action was clear enough, but of course, stupid, stupid Iwaizumi Hajime was a dense little boy.

And so they went on their first date, which was a food tour. Hajime couldn't recall whose idea it was, but if he thought about who had the most random ideas for a date, he would guess it was Tooru's. They went for ice cream for appetizer. Hajime had claimed that ice cream was for desert, but sweet Oikawa Tooru said that ice cream could be appetizer and desert, and they should just eat the ice cream twice. Hajime, though disagreed, couldn't help but to sigh and went with Tooru anyways, cause if there is one thing he wants the most, it was to see Tooru smile.

After the ice cream appetizer, they went to get sushi. Normal. Right. Until Oikawa Tooru drowned all of the sushi into the soy sauce, and he dared Hajime to finish all of it. Hajime, of course, declined. Well, at first he did. But Tooru had promised him something he couldn't resist, and it was so cruel it always made him mad every time he thought about it.

Tooru had promised him a kiss, and Hajime was a sucker for Tooru's little game, so he obeyed and finished everything even though he wanted to puke. After the sushi game, they went for ice cream again. And then, he dropped Tooru off.

Hajime had done that for a couple of times now, but that night was different. Because after Tooru got off the car, he went running towards Hajime's side of the car and knocked on the glass.

“What?”

Tooru smiled sweetly, Hajime almost had a heart attack. Before he could ask again, the shitty little Tooru leaned in and pressed his lips onto Hajime's, his hands placed on both sides of Hajime's neck, cradling and caressing, and loving. Hajime still remembers how their lips moved slowly, lips parted and teeth crashing. They were kids, and they were amateurs at kissing, but they didn't mind, because all they wanted to do was to show how much they loved and cared for one another. Hajime remembered grabbing Tooru's nape to pull him closer, and the spiky haired drowned himself in the sweet scent of milk and honey. When they parted, Tooru giggled. “You smell like tuna and soy sauce.”

And Hajime, who usually would scoff and flip him off, grinned instead. “You smell like milk and honey.”

**_I'm here, Tooru,_ Hajime choked a sob, _I'm here for you, so please don't leave me._**

Their relationship was amazing. It was amazing, and they were perfect. They loved each other wholly, cared for each other immensely, and they are just so perfect. Hajime couldn't recall how many times he laid awake thinking and crying about how much his love for Tooru grew, and Tooru couldn't recall how many nights he spent awake thinking about how beautiful Hajime was.

But not only the beautiful thing was perfect, they were also very good at being mad at each other. Everytime they fought, all their friends would be stressed out because none of them would give in and say sorry. Most of the time, it was Hajime who would talk and apologize first, though, and it was always followed with Tooru sobbing while apologizing as Hajime kissed his head to say everything was okay. They were each other's firsts for a lot of things.

They were each other's first kiss. First boyfriend, first best friend. First dates, first sleeping partner. _First love._

And the first time Tooru told Hajime he loved him, Hajime cried.

The first time Hajime asked Tooru to move in with him, Tooru agreed. And Hajime cried. Again.

And the first time Hajime asked Tooru to be his husband, Tooru agreed. Both of them cried.

But the first hurricane had come immediately, too. At first, Hajime would notice how Tooru's behaviour changed from lively, to not-so-lively. Of course, he's still beautiful and he's _still Tooru_ , but something was not right. Hajime didn't pry, and it was something he regrets the most. When Tooru first came home crying that night, Hajime panicked and held him even tighter than any nights they ever spent together. Tooru seemed to relax after that, but Hajime noticed how his lover's eye bags got darker and darker, and Hajime thought that Tooru looked like he had gotten very little sleep, although he was always asleep soundly in his arms.

When Hajime asked him about it, sweet little Tooru just shook his head, gave him his best and prettiest smile, and said he was okay. But Hajime, as dense as he was, noticed Tooru changed. Tooru, who usually would be enthusiastic when it was Friday a.k.a movie nights, were not excited anymore. He tried to look like it, though, that much Hajime knows, but he looked lost. He looked tired, and restless. But he had slept so much.

And it was only after he saw the crumbled piece of paper on the trash can as he came home that he noticed, his sunshine was not alright. The shine had faded, the sparks no longer there. Hajime's heart picked up in his chest, his mind scattered all over the place and he was reminded about hos Tooru would get snappy over little things, he thought about the sobs he heard in the middle of the night, and he sprinted towards their own bathroom, forcing the door open, trying so hard not to sob and scream.

 _Please be alright_ , he pleaded inside his heart, _please be alright._

When the door opened, Hajime's eyes met Tooru's very own, that sad and tired eyes staring back at him didn't feel like the ones he was used to, it didn't look like it belonged to Oikawa Tooru, it wasn't the same as the eyes he's dreamed of ever since he was a child. Tooru was soaked. He sat inside the bathtub, with water overflowing, and his cheeks were red, and they glistened from the warm tears that decorated his pretty face.

“ _Tooru_.” Hajime sobbed.

“You're home, Iwa-chan.“ Tooru closed his eyes, another string of tears came running down, “I'm fine, just so tired.”

“Baby, rest with me,” Hajime whispered, kneeling beside the bathtub, hands reaching out for Tooru's, and his skin was so cold that he shuddered, “Rest with me if you're tired, Oikawa. Don't get tired all by yourself. _Please_.”

“I want to,” Tooru's lips trembled and his whole body shook, and it took everything in Hajime not to bring him towards his hold, keeping him away from his own thoughts. “I want to tell you. I _have been_ wanting to tell you, Iwa-chan, but I don't know what to tell you.”

Hajime's lips ghosted over Tooru's skin, silently telling him that he was here, he was here, and no one is going to hurt Tooru, not when Hajime was around, “Tell me where it hurts, baby,” Hajime could feel his own voice shakes, but he tried to compose himself, because he knew that Tooru needed composed him the most right now, “Tell me where it hurts, and I'll kiss them for you, yeah?”

“ _I don't know_ ,” he sobbed, “I don't know where it hurts. I don't know _what_ hurts, but it hurts, but I also don't feel anything,” Tooru reached for Hajime's shirt, holding onto it so strong, “I feel _nothing_ at all, Hajime. Help me. _Please_.”

And the dam, as well as his heart just broke, and Hajime was crying alongside him, his face buried on Tooru's hands, desperately clinging onto it, “I'm here, Tooru,” he choked a sob, “I'm here for you, so please stay, and don't leave me. I'll do anything to help you, baby, please, rest with me.”

“I'll kiss everything away,” Hajime pleaded, he stood up and with all his strength, carried Tooru in his arms, away from the cold and the water, away from the darkness that is his own mind, “I'll kiss everything away, so please stay with me,” he whispered, tears falling.

Tooru was silent, and his face was drowned on Hajime's neck, and he was crying, Hajime was sure of that. Hajime remembered how he had spent the whole night staring at Tooru, reminiscing every single line that created his face, every single blemish, every single detail of his lover's face, and he remembered falling in love all over again. But his heart was also broken every time he noticed Tooru's ragged breath as he sleeps.

The next days were the hardest, because Hajime had to convince Tooru that what he felt was valid, and that he could try to get some help, of course, with Hajime. At first, Tooru declined, but then he agreed when he started to feel worse, and Hajime knew he was doing it because he didn't want to disappoint Hajime ( _he could never disappoint him_ ), but he said nothing.

The first time Tooru went to the therapist with Hajime, he was frightened. But Hajime had told him it was okay, and he stayed with him in every step of the way. Thankfully, the meeting went smoothly.

The first time Tooru took his medicine without crying, Hajime had pampered him with kisses all over, praising him for being so _good_ and for being alright.

The first time Tooru came home smiling, Hajime was so happy his heart could burst. That night, he drew Tooru a bath and they bathed together, and Hajime spent the entire night worshiping and loving Tooru's body with his lips, giving extra care for Tooru's eyelids.

The first time Tooru told him he was happy, Hajime cried.

The first time Tooru stopped taking his medicine, Hajime cried again.

The first time Tooru woke up earlier than him, it was on their tenth anniversary.

“Happy anniversary,” Hajime woke up to the sound of Tooru whispering, and he smiled as he turned around, “Happy anniversary, Iwa-chan. Sorry for being a pain in the ass, and always making you worry. Thank you for staying with me,” Tooru whispered, leaned in, and kissed him, in the way he did the first time they kissed. There was gratefulness in the way he kiss this time, as if telling Hajime thank you, but with his lips, with extra love, with care. And Hajime won't complain, ever.

“Happy anniversary, Tooru.” He held Tooru and kissed his bare, exposed shoulder, “I love you so fucking much.”

Tooru didn't answer, but he hummed and kissed Hajime's palms.

It was only then Hajime realized. It was not when he first laid his eyes on Tooru, nor it was when he first kissed him. But it was when he was five, when he dreamed of a little boy with bright brown hair and eyes, smiling ever so prettily while he ran.

The first time Iwaizumi Hajime loved Oikawa Tooru was when he was five, when the image of the boy in his dreams brought him to tears. The first time Hajime smelled the milk and honey scent was when he was five, when the boy in his dreams had kissed him.

The first time Iwaizumi Hajime fell in love with Oikawa Tooru was when he saw him in his dreams. Hajime sighed in realization. _Oikawa Tooru was his dream._

The first time Iwaizumi Hajime loved Oikawa Tooru was unknown, because every single day ever since that dream, he kept falling in love with Oikawa Tooru, over and over again, each time feels like the first. And he won't trade it for anything else in the world.

**Author's Note:**

> come give me notes @ tetsurone on twt


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